Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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