Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
