Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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