Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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