I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
