C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
