He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
