i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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