Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
