there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
