Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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