need another drink. this is the easiest way
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
