Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
