I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
