Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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