i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
