apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
