i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
