Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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