I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
