The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
