were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
