Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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