true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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