OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pants are for mortals
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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