You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
