I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
