WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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