marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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