I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
