I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This is the high leading the old right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
