I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
