Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
