Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
