Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
