the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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