Me. At least after what I've been through.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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