I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
