You're so nebulous sometimes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
