And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
