i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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