Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
