I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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