I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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