im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
