I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
