there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
