Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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