this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
