i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
