I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
