I bet he comes in French.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
