It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
