You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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