omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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