checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
In America we eat man semen.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
