My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
