Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
sarcasm needs its own font
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
