Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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